STATS ARTICLES 2006

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Where Have All the UFOs Gone?
May 15, 2006
Trevor Butterworth
Previously classified document adds to scientific pessimism over existence of ETs. Belief in fairies more robust

Thanks to the release of a classified study under Britain's new freedom of information laws, the Fox Mulders of this world have to face some grave news today: There have been no extraterrestrial visitors to British skies in the past 30 years.

According to the study, Unidentified Aerial Phenomena (UAP) in the UK Air Defence Region, "There is no evidence that any UAP seen in the UKADR are incursions by objects of any intelligent (extra-terrestrial or foreign) origin, or that they represent any hostile intent."

The news comes as scientists have become increasingly pessimistic about finding sentient alien life.

'Twenty years ago, scientists were confident there were at least a million alien civilisations in our galaxy,' Dr Ian Morison of Jodrell Bank Observatory recently told the British paper the Observer in advance of a meeting of the Royal Astronomical Society."No one thinks there can be anything like that number now."

One of the key tell-tale signs might be called 'the green men effect.' Russian researchers believe that if there really were sophisticated alien lifeforms capable of interstellar travel, we would have spotted signs of significant universal pollution by now.

Attempts to find meaningful radio signals have also foundered. But, according to the Observer, more than one astronomer speculated that this might simply be a result of parsimonious alien governments refusing to fund such 'hey, we're over here!' ventures - which, after all, is not disimilar to the predicament astronomers face on earth.

As for the existence of Fairies, the Taipei Times reported yesterday that this "myth" resisted debunking "because fairies have an eternal appeal to the vast swathes of every female generation who love their itty-bitty dresses and their iridescent wings and their flowery bowers." (See here.) The paper concluded that "Rational argument becomes sodden and useless upon contact with minds so wet, alas."

Alas indeed.